post-race blues

The Gasparilla race was so much fun that it was somewhat difficult for me to get back to my normal life this week. Work was accompanied with various bureaucratic and interpersonal stresses, and I kept wanting to go for a long, hard run to forget about them for a little bit, but my body was still hurting from Sunday's half marathon (stiffness in my lower back and my hamstring). I've done two easy runs since Sunday, some weights and a yoga class. I like yoga but don't feel like it makes me as strong as Pilates, and I also have a difficult time tuning out the concerns of the world to achieve the ideal state of detachment that yoga demands. I wish I were better at that, but at least I can zone out in my own way while running. Pilates, with its slightly weird, early 20th-century calisthenic and strength poses, suits me much better than yoga.

I moved to Florida last May, and for months I was driven by the excitement of being in a new place, starting a new job, making new friends, etc. Now the novelty is starting to wear off, and I'm not seeing everything through rose-colored glasses. Since college, I've never lived in one place for longer than two years, and the permanence I was craving by snaring a stable job after grad school is now starting to freak me out. I love the stability of marriage but not the idea of remaining in one place forever, shackled to a mortgage, a job, and a city that still doesn't quite feel right to me. Three hurricanes showed me how stressful home ownership could be, and after getting all the hurricane damage repaired, I'm still left with a brown lawn that looks like a disaster compared to the perfectly watered Florida golf course-lawns of my neighbors. A four mile commute between home and work sometimes takes 40 minutes in rush hour traffic. (I could run that distance faster, but the route would be all car exhaust and strip malls).

And these complaints are minor, really-- I'm healthy, I made it through a couple big races (two halfs and my first full marathon) without serious injury, I have a great marriage, a good job, a house, friends. Great weather most of the time, except for the hot summers. So what's my problem?

I guess it is dissatisfaction that drives us to strive for more in our lives-- to set new goals, to not be content with things as they are. I'm going to do this both for running and for my career, and I think that will help-- sort of a belated set of new year's resolutions. I am grateful to have running because it does help me put everything into perspective, and I always try to channel more destructive urges (like drinking) into running instead.

So... coming down off the high of the Gasparilla race has got me thinking... and aware that some new goals are due, as well as some more positive thinking...